Thoughtful Thursday #7

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I actually love this quote. Mainly because it holds so much truth to it. As I make my way into my seventh year of singledom it’s safe to say I have learnt a lot from my dating experiences. From the ones who make me cry, the ones who make me laugh and the ones who downright disgust me. Each one was a lesson well learnt.

To those who downright disgust me, or more commonly known as ‘fuckboys’. Thanks to dating a fair few of these the warning signs are now a lot clearer. I will however admit that some still make it through the net. Recently a guy asked for my number in the conventional way. No swiping or anything. I walked past him on my commute every day for months. We started catching each other’s eye and smiling at one another until one day he plucked up the courage to ask for my number. Yay! This like never happens anymore. He was very cute and quite charming. We started texting that day and he seemed really sweet. Saying how it had taken him ages to ask for my number. The conversation was going quite well and then BOOM! 💥 Unsolicited dick video. That’s right not a dick pic but a dick VIDEO! What the actual fuck! This aubergine came out of fucking nowhere! Having been unfortunately on the receiving end of a lot unsolicited dick pics you start to get a sense of when one of these bad boys might pop up. The guys will start up a conversation about sex or start with some dirty talk. But this guy was straight up burning my retinas with no warning. Not even a cursory ‘Hey, wanna see my dick?’ So yeh sometimes the fuck boys can slip through the net. But they taught me I don’t want to be with a guy whose spending more time in the bathroom taking shirtless selfies and dick videos, as they will probably spend more time on themselves and chasing girls than they would their better half. So if you’re single like me and swiping away, be warned of the topless selfie, bathroom mirror loving and oddly common pouting fuckboy! 🍆

To the ones who make me cry. Well these ones I have usually put in some time and effort. Over the past few years I’ve managed to date a couple of guys who I’ve been able to lock down for a month or two. And then…poof! Gone. They change their mind and don’t like where the relationship is headed. I’d like to say it gets easier and that you get stronger each time, and in some ways you do. You can become more resilient and start to know yourself better in how best to deal with the heart break. But in truth, the more it happens the more it hurts. It becomes exhausting thinking you may have found someone you actually enjoy spending time with or someone who might see something in you, but for you to ultimately be let down again. And to be honest, to again feel like you’re not worth it. It’s no fun. So over the years I’ve learnt to pace myself and not get carried away when I start dating someone. Sure I still get excited otherwise what’s the point if you’re not having fun. But I always let the lad drive the pace train. It just helps me not get carried away then.

To the ones who make me laugh. These are the men who have shown me what I DO want in a relationship. I unfortunately have a ‘one that got away’ a ‘don’t know what I had till it’s gone’ kinda guy. A guy that not just my mother but my whole family compare all future prospects to.  He was just ace! Caring, kind and absolutely hilarious. One of the best men I’ve ever met. But unfortunately I was younger then and didn’t have much dating experience and as such didn’t know what I had. I moved away and didn’t think I was ready for a long distance relationship so at the time yes it seemed like the right thing to do. So I shouldn’t look back and regret it. But what I try to take away from it is that I have a benchmark of what a good solid relationship is like. How a good man should treat a women and I should never settle for anything less. It’s a good thing to have! Alas he’s moved on now and seems happy in a long term relationship. And so he should be. He deserves every bit of happiness and I just hope she knows what she’s got and doesn’t make the mistake I did.

So there you have it. Lessons learnt from just some of the ‘relationships’ I’ve been in. I’m sure there’s plenty more still to learn as I carry on my dating journey. P

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Date Profile #5

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Name: Jeff

From: Tinder

Venue: Canals/The Wharf

Type: Walk/Lunch

Food/Drink: Sunday Roast

Comments: So I was really looking forward to this date. I’d been speaking to this guy for a while before we finally arranged a date and I knew I fancied him. Always a good start I know. We seemed to really get on over text and from pictures he was definitely my type. We decided on a walk as it was a beautiful sunny day. FYI I totally rate walks for first dates. There’s an element of romance to it and you can really get to know someone.

3 miles in and we were really getting on and there was no awkward silences. I also realised I was starving! In my bid to get ready I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and it was now nearing 4 o’clock. Here I found the perfect opportunity to see if this guy was enjoying my company as much as I was his. We were nearing his car and the date had been substantial enough that he could leave without it being rude. So I gave him the choice and asked whether he needed to get back or would he like to join me for food. To my delight he said yes to going for some food. I always find food more of a second or third date activity. So off we went to my favourite pub for some delicious Sunday Roast.

Ultimately we had a great date and he walked me home. Annoyingly when it came to saying goodbye there was a women standing right next to the door to my apartment just watching us. So any opportunity for a kiss goodbye went right out the window. Stupid woman, total cock block! I don’t know if this then hindered how he felt about me as we then chatted for another month without a second date being arranged and then he totally ghosted me. So I have no idea what happend there. But what seemed to have a promising start turned into the usual disappointing end. P

2018

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First things first, apologies for the VERY late post. Anyone who knows me, knows how crazy things have been since, well since my last post. Work has been pretty busy as I have been working on a project close to my heart. I’m moving house this week so I have been living out of boxes. And  although I complain I have no social life I’ve been spending some amazing quality time with friends and family on my weekends away from work.

So 2018. How is it looking? 2 months in and I didn’t have the best start but thankfully it’s starting to turn right around. I’ve got some really exciting prospects on the horizon which I will no doubt share with you in due course.

On the man front? Well that whole ‘the right man will come along when you’re not looking’ cliché has so far been proven to be a load of crap. Beginning of November I decided to get rid of all my dating apps. I go through phases of hating being on them so I just do one big cull. Well thanks to this cull I’ve had absolutely no dating action whatsoever. No likes, no winks and certainly no pokes! I do however have two dates in the bag I still haven’t updated you all on. But spoiler alert!…It’s February and I’m still single.

So four months of trying to meet someone in the conventional way has failed spectacularly. So going back to swiping for a while and try my luck again. Stay tuned for some hopefully interesting developments on the love front. P

Friends with Benefits?

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So first of all apologies for the lack of posting recently. This past month has just been crazy! Had all sorts going on but fear not I still managed to sneak in a couple of dates.

Ok! So, friends with benefits. Where do people stand on this? If you asked me a couple of months ago I would’ve said nope! Not for me that, I’m looking for something real. Well this is still true, I’m still looking for my forever after but why shouldn’t I get my kicks while I’m looking? I think my change of heart came from my first and only one night stand. It wasn’t the seedy affair I had imagined but an amazing night, that I really enjoyed and the guy was really sweet. It changed my perspective a little that I could have a bit of fun without all the emotional baggage. Word of warning though you’ve got to pick the right friend to benefit from.

About a year ago I started dating this guy. He was nice, fit and we got on. But nothing really happened between us. Then not long ago we got back in touch and started hanging out again. It was then he suggested friends with benefits. After thinking about it he was the perfect candidate. I was attracted to him, we had fun hanging out  but I knew he wouldn’t be a long term thing. There wasn’t enough there to build a relationship on. Plus he wasn’t a lifelong friend that I would worry about ruining our friendship. Perfect right?

So we went for it. He came round and we had dinner and watched a film just as friends would. Then as it got later the conversation turned to the benefit. 😀 And the fun started…or so I thought. Bless him! I think the pressure got to him and er he had a case of the limp noodle. 🙈 It TOTALLY happens so tried to make him feel better as he was clearly embarrassed. But on the friends with benefits front this is not a good start. Safe to say I haven’t heard from him since.

But fear not I have since found another candidate to test the FWB waters. The last post I gave was a date I went on with a guy called Tom from Bumble. And once again we get on well enough and he’s a good looking lad. But I can safely say this ones not quite marriage material. He doesn’t half waffle on about his company and he’s tries to recruit me every time we chat! It can be super annoying so one night I just put his tounge to better use. Turns out all that talking isn’t his only talent. Stupendous! So now any time I see him and he starts off on one of his rants I just go get naked 😂 Works a treat, everyone’s a winner!

So if you’re going to venture into the world of FWB’s. I would highly recommend making sure he’s the right candidate. Affectionate, makes you want to take your pants off and happy enough if you cut ties…oh and the noodliest of noodles also helps. P

Date Profile #4

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Name: Tom

From: Bumble

Venue: Dukes 92

Type: Evening Drinks

Food/Drink: 1 Cocktail & 2 Soft Drinks

Comments: It had been a while since my last date, mainly due to the fact I was put off dating for a bit from the last weirdo. Anywhoooo I was looking forward to drinks this evening and had a good feeling about this one. I had done my pre date compulsory Facebook/Insta stalk (I’m getting scarily good at it) and I had already deduced that I liked the look of him. So as long as he didn’t have the personality of a spoon we were good to go.

I met him at the station and we walked to the bar together. Conversation flowed instantly and to be honest we didn’t stop. He bought the first round of drinks and we tucked ourselves in a corner of the bar and off we went. What was great was that we had loads in common when it came to sport and being outdoorsy. He was very passionate about what he does which is great but at times I wasn’t sure if he was trying to date me or recruit me! He works for a fitness and health recruitment thing and was constantly trying to sell me either products or telling me how much better off I would be if I joined. So apart from questioning his true intentions with me the date still went well.

He walked me to my flat and it was a really lovely evening so the walk itself was really nice. We held hands and had a very cheeky and fun smooch as we waited for his taxi home. Safe to say I was definitely attracted to him and he wanted to see me again. So a second date is on the cards. Whoop. Stay Tuned. P

 

 

 

Second Impressions

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So in an earlier post I wrote about making that first impression when it comes to online dating. This post funnily enough is about second impressions. The all important opening line when you finally get a match. The first thing you’re going to say to start up a conversation.

Some people go with the classic but albeit slightly boring ‘Hey, how you doing?’ Not going to lie I’ve used this on many occasions. But then I read you’re 40% more likely to get a response if you mention food in your opening message. So I started asking questions like ‘Chips or Chocolate?’ You know real meaningful shit. Results were varied.

This however is a collection of some of the weirdest, creepiest and down right gross opening lines I have had the displeasure of receiving. Enjoy. P

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So this is your classic proposition for sex. Much like the classic Netflix and chill, but with emojis. Fun!

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Now these guys pop up pretty often unfortunately. The ones who say hello and expect a reply. I would like to point out that this was from POF so I had not previously matched with him. And these messages were all within about an hour. You can get some pretty nasty guys who think just because they say hello they deserve your attention. And when it isn’t received they turn on you. Just pathetic really and confirmed my initial thought of not replying.

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Another example of lads looking for just one thing. This is why tinder is getting the reputation of being a site for hook ups and nothing real. All guys seem to want on there is sex. Fair enough they are being up front about it but is there really no one looking for something more?

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…it did not deserve a reply! Nor did it get one!

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Yep. This guy is talking about farting! FARTING! I mean that was a new one even for a seasoned pro like myself.

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No, no you may not. We have ourselves a man with a foot fetish. Which is fine, seriously no judgement. My issue is this is literally the first thing you’ve said to me and mainly pal you haven’t said please. Rude!

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Gee thanks! Oh and you’ve even put a winky face emoji, well now I just think you’re adorable. 🙄

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This may be my favourite. J.k would be proud.

So as you can see there is a whole bunch of eloquent young men out there waiting to be snapped up by some lucky lady. Lovely! When Shakespeare was writing up half the English language I’m not quite sure this is what he had in mind. What’s worrying is this is just a snapshot of the messages I get. There’s more, a lot more. I hope you’ve enjoyed this little read. I do apologise for the lack in blogging recently it’s been a crazy few weeks and to be honest my apps have gone pretty quiet recently. But you will all be pleased to know I went on a date last week so there will be an update on the way. I will however leave you with the greatest opening line I have EVER received. It was from a plucky young gentleman on tinder a while back so never got a screen grab…P

I have shat in my pants, can I cum in yours?

 

Date Update

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So recently I went on a date with a delicious teacher with big arms and a lovely smile. What’s not to like? But I’m pretty sure he’s a serial killer. Albeit a very cute serial killer, like a young leather face before he started sticking other peoples faces to him.

After a great first date we decided to meet again. Drinks and a game of pool was mentioned. But a couple of days before we were supposed to meet he suggested coming round to his for dinner.

Now as lovely as that sounds I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable going to an area I didn’t know to a mans house I had only met for an hour. So I suggested we meet up a couple more times instead. A reasonable request…or so I thought.

He replied saying how disappointed he was and how hes ‘not looking for someone whose safe and boring’ and that ‘we should leave it for now’!! Honestly I was so shocked! How is that a normal response?

I replied saying I was happy to meet him again but for a drink. His response?…‘Such a shame’ ‘But yeh I’ll message you soon’

So I thought that would be it and I wouldn’t hear from him again. But randomly he messaged me a couple of days later saying we could do something Friday. I didn’t have anything planned so thought Fuck it, I replied saying I was free lets go for a drink.

This bat shit crazy man then responded ‘Dunno, I’m still deflated you turned me down’ ‘Am I that bad’ WHAT!?! No you weirdo, you cancelled on me! This is where it gets even weirder. ‘Well my mums never away’ ‘Nothing had to happen’ ‘I understand your thinking but it’s boring’ ‘I want chemistry and excitement’! Yeh well, I want to keep my face attached to my skull so suck it!

So after only meeting for an hour this guy refused to see me again unless it was at his house with his mum, where he either wanted to cook for me, fuck me or kill me! Safe to say I did NOT see him again. Stay safe and ‘boring’ my fellow singletons. P

 

Thoughtful Thursday #6

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So I haven’t been in a proper relationship in years. And this is mainly due to growing up and realising that settling is just something I WILL NOT do! I’ve dated a variety of men who have their good points and their bad points. By dating I realised what it is I want from a relationship and from a partner.

As someone who has been single for quite a while I can safely say that single certainly doesn’t always mean lonely. Don’t get me wrong I have those moments where I wish I had that someone special in my life. Usually at family events where I want to share it with someone. Or when I’m feeling a little worse for wear and need a proper cuddle. But I would always take being single with a few blue moments any day of the week than being in a relationship where you aren’t happy.

I have been in them and know people who are still in them. I personally realised something was just not ok and left the situation. It took me a few years to realise that this wasn’t good for anyone. I was sacrificing my happiness in the hope that something would change. That is just not a healthy way to live at all. Unfortunately I know people who are in the worst kind of relationship and no matter how much sense we try knock into them they just won’t listen and go back to their partner despite knowing they just aren’t happy. Why? Because it’s easy and less scary than to try face the unknown of being on your own .

But oh my gosh I promise you it is the BEST decision!! Having the strength to put yourself first is an amazing feeling. It can be so daunting at first but oh my gosh is it so much fun. And not to sound cheesy as hell but by being single I’ve learnt a hell of a lot about myself and what I’m capable of and in turn now know what I want from a partner. It’s just a totally win win situation.

My room mate is actually a perfect testiment to that. She moved in having just broken up with her long term boyfriend whom she lived with. Everything was new to her. New city, newly single, new home, new flat mate. That’s a hell of a lot to take on but this girl bossed it. And is still bossing it. She completely enveloped the single city life and has the best social life. And has recently started dating but even that she just rocks at. She’s actually a really strong independent woman and I totally admire her for it.

So even though at times I have to give my extra large pooh bear teddy a bigger squeeze than normal because my day hasn’t been all that. (Yes, I’m 27 with a huge pooh bear but he’s super soft and he just gets me ok) but it’s so worth it knowing I’m happy with who I am and I don’t need a man to complete me. Just looking for him to compliment what I’ve already got going on.

And if you find yourself unhappy in a relationship, please you owe it to yourself to be happy. Have the strength to want more! You deserve it! And if none of this has really hit home yet…when was the last time you got to star fish in a double bed? I’m just saying after a long day at work it was one of life’s beautiful treasures. Try it! P

 

 

Date Profile #3

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Name: Harry*

From: Bumble

Venue: Turtle Bay

Type: Evening Drink

Food/Drink: 1 Cocktail

Comments: Yay! I had a good date! But talk about short but sweet. We arranged to meet for a drink after I finished work. Instantly fancied him when I saw him. Very good looking, well kept, good dresser and very nice smile. Winning. We went for a drink at Turtle Bay and it was going well. The chat flowed really easily and we had loads in common. So I was a little disappointed when he said he had to go after just one drink. He was a teacher and had to get back as it was a school night. Fair enough but part of me did wonder if he really had to get back or that he just wasn’t really feeling it. But that was answered by the very nice goodbye kiss. 😊 After which he said he wish he didn’t have to go. So although it was short I had a really good first date. And a second date is on the cards. So stay tuned. P

Thoughtful Thursday #5

FullSizeRenderOK, so I know this isn’t the most thought provoking quote I’ve ever seen but I saw it the other day and it really made me smile. After a series of unsuccessful dates this dating lark can get a little tiresome and ,well, a bit disheartening. After dating for as long as I have sometimes I catch myself wondering if I will ever find that someone special.

But this quote made me smile. Because I love squats and I love reading. Two things I love to do and it’s all about self development. Instead of whining wondering where my Prince Charming is, I’m in the gym working up a sweat or out running clearing my head. At night before bed I settle down with a good book. Ive read some really good self development books and recently I have just finished ‘The Girl On The Train’ and forgot how much I love when I can’t put a book down. I found myself going to bed earlier just so I could read my book.

So although the dates have gone a bit pear shaped I realised that in between them all  I’ve been doing things I love to do. This weekend I have my first hockey game AND I’m doing tough mudder. TAKE THAT FLABBY BITS! As soon as I finish the blog I’m off to bed to start The Hobbit. I’ve never read it and it’s my dads favourite book so it’s about time I tried it. TAKE THAT ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

So if you find yourself in a bit of a funk, DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE. Not sure why I’m shouting so much in this post. Just feels right. So I’m off to bed with a book. P